Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Book update and comment on the Lauryn Hill situation...

Okay! As I mentioned way back when, I am indeed working on a book. I've just really started making any head way, but I've got interviews, research, etc. to do, in addition to fleshing out other points not discussed in related blog posts. It's certainly daunting, as I've never written a book before, but I know I've got it in me. I was hoping to email interview black women on topics related to the book, so comment if you are interested and I'll give you the contact details. :)

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Girls, you know you better (watch out)

Cause guys, some guys are only (about)

That thing, that thing, that thiiiing....

I don't know what that "thing" is. It seems obvious at first glance. Sex. A hit and quit opportunity. But, the more I think about it. That "thing" can represent so many different...well, things.

That "thing" can be your body

That "thing" could be your womb

That "thing" might be your finances and access to your car

That "thing" can be your cooking and clothes-washing.

Ultimately, I suspect that "thing" is a catch-all phrase for the aspirations of DBR males who will string along hapless victims and then dump them. Watch out for these men, indeed!

And this is what makes the situation surrounding Lauryn Hill so ironic and sad. She pretty much put it out there musically, and she wasn't wrong. I'm beginning to think that "Doo Wop/That Thing" was more or less an afro-centric remix of "House of the Rising Sun".

If she had a baby sister, would she want her to be warned to not do as she had done? Be in a fifteen year relationship with some man by which she had five kids? A man who she called "husband" (without the legal backing of a marriage contract), a man who never intended to marry her? Someone who then D-U-M-P-E-D her for a Brazilian model, who he is marrying after having been with less than one year?

Let's compare:

- Fifteen years
- Five kids OOW (plus one from another relationship)
- Called him husband, but was never so much as given an engagement ring
- Is DUMPED (no legal protection and financial assurances for herself or her kids)


- Known less than a year
- No kids with
- Will be called wife, legally, and receive all the legal and financial benefits that go with that
- If there are kids, they will be born within wedlock
- If they should divorce, will likely to have access to his money based on any legal/contractual agreements made between herself and him and/or the laws of wherever the marriage took place


I admit, I chuckled at the idea of her calling this man her "husband". I don't like laughing at other people's stupidity or misfortune because in this case, her foolishness does not just affect her. There are five children who are now very much hurt because their mother sold herself short for the sake of "black love".

Lauryn Hill represents the textbook sista soldier and NBAB woman to her core, so it is actually pathetically and predictably fitting that this should be the end result. Fifteen years with a black man she pretty much gave up a promising career for, to spit out baby after baby, none of which were born in wedlock. Fifteen years spent not having his name or being recognized legally as his wife. Fifteen years of deluding herself into thinking this person loved and respected her as a mate. And then everything came crashing down. And now a non-black woman who did not give him children, whom he has not known a decade and a half (not even a YEAR, people...) will be walking down the aisle in her stead. I actually feel like had it even been another black woman, it still would have been head-shakingly sad, but that extra bit of "waiting to exhale: ring-less edition"just brings it all home, doesn't it?

Lauryn Hill is an unmarried black woman with SIX kids by multiple men. Even if she wanted to be married, legally married, finding a good decent man (and not a predator, leach, or other variety of DBR) just became damn near impossible. As I said elsewhere, her best option is to go back to the studio and create an afro-centric version of Adele's "21" and make that money, because odds are she'll be supporting herself and her children totally alone from now on.

What can we learn from Hill's situation and so many black women who follow her path?

Giving your all to a man who will not marry you, but demands access to your womb is not going to end well. It will NEVER end well, because a man who has decided you are not good enough for his name is not a man worthy to even pretend to be your husband. Do not lie to yourself and your OOW children about who he is, and what your relationship means. Do not surrender to the idea that you have no choice but be with a man for a decade and a half and settle for a relationship that is going nowhere. Do not be left to look like an absolute fool when he dumps you and immediately marries someone else.

Watch out.


ValeriesWorld said...

Lauryn Hill likes a dirty lifestyle. She is not the only one, black women likes to play games, speak about how they love the Lord and because they speak God's words and they live an alternative lifestyle.

God cannot protect you, because you have what you say. Hence they end up very badly, Whitney Houston is dead, Jill Scott is very bitter woman.

Lauryn Hill was very good with her words, afrocentric, worship of the black man, not God, she and her children's father never had a proper relationship, they were living in 2 different countries. I think that he has a child with her cousin.

How we see her is exactly what she is, but because she was always a stunning beautiful woman, we didn't notice. She never wanted stability.

Zoe said...

It is just amazing. I won't laugh because I feel bad for her kids.

There is no such thing as 'black love.' There is only love.

Shulamit E said...

if I can help in any way. Let me know :-)

Welcome said...

Let's not forget Badu

Toni said...

@Shulamit E

Thanks! I'll let you know. :D