Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Trip To Bizarro World: Using IRR Communities To Attract Black Men

In the past, I've written about observing black women who insist on going into black woman-centric spaces, especially interracial relationship-centric spaces and trying to "change things around" a bit. They want to alter the flow of thinking to make things as fair and comfortable for black men as possible. These women approach discussions from the point of view that not enough consideration is being given to how black men feel, what their needs are, and what black women should be doing to make black men desired, comfortable, etc.

Let's remember that this attempt to make things black male centered is happening in spaces that  (1) were not set up to address black men and their needs (2) in terms of romantic relationships, have little or nothing to do with black men because the women are interracially coupled or are planning to be so and (3) are often safe spaces used to discuss how they feel about issues caused by failures of black males without feeling censored or threatened by black men or their defenders.

So ultimately, these women are asking BW-centric and IRR-centric spaces to defeat the actual purpose for their existence. Why on Earth would some black woman go through so much trouble to make a clearly non-black male-identified space a happy home for black men and "black love"?

"Black love" spaces on and off the internet tend to be duds and embarrassing failures.

One of the main reasons for this is that black men as a whole have absolutely no intention of limiting themselves to black women, especially to very very dark, non-Eurocentric feature-having, natural hair-wearing black women. Non-lighter, brighter, whiter women who can't adequately double as status symbols and a middle-finger to white men. These men also don't intend to limit themselves to black women who choose to rant to any and everyone who will (or won't) listen about "black kings and queens of promise" and how they'll never date, marry, or procreate with a man that's not dripping the deepest darkest shade of melanin.

These women are at the same time D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E (a trait that's by far one of the most unattractive) for black love to be real and acknowledged, but that's not happening on BL-centric spaces, spaces tending to be filled with lonely black women and little or no black men.

Meanwhile, you have BWE/BW-centric and IRR-centric spaces crawling with black men foaming at the mouth over women who, let's be honest, they will never get in a million years and who want nothing do with them (not necessarily because these men are black, so much as because they are creepy stalkers and have the tendency to be disrespectful and pathologically possessive of total strangers). These men will figuratively trample over these "I LOVE YOU BLACK KANGS!" type of women to get at the women that they can't  have.

It's not rocket science ===> Something you can't have >>>>> Something readily available

And so, some NBAB women have decided that their best bet is to go where they absolutely know black men will be, and make their love and deference known. A feat accomplished by trying to turn BW-centric and IRR-centric spaces into some sort of haphazard love nest.

Does it work?

......... Nope. But desperation that is puts one on the path to insanity insists on adopting failed strategies in the hopes that if you do something long enough, you might actually yield different results.

I hope you enjoyed your trip through Bizarro World. Sanity pills can be purchased at the gift shop.


CHER! said...

I often wondered why the "Black Love Police" couldn't refrain from visiting IR/BWE/BWI themed sites...Guess nothing much is happening on their end...LOL!

Toni said...


Nope. We tend to ask "if you're so gung-ho about black love and black men, why not go to those spaces?!" But it dawned on me that the question assumes that there's anyone there but other black women waiting for black men to show up.

Awake. Aware. Alive. said...

It always baffles me how these women never seem to notice that black men do not come to their defense in anyway shape or form. They can be the "But I'm different" girl all day long but DBR's will STILL throw them under a car, bus or train. I really don't think they can be helped, only pitied.

Great work, Toni


Toni said...

@Awake. Aware. Alive.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Rarely have I ever seen these women get anything more than a head-pat. And I absolutely NEVER have seen black males speak up in these spaces about backward, harmful behavior towards black women or condemn crimes against black female victims perpetrated by black male predators. They have nothing to say.

And yet this totally escapes the notice of these women.

These men are either concerned about their image (as damaged leeches and users who've been called out, because as I've said, no sane man worth his salt associates himself with trash whenever the subject comes up) or the fact that black women are dating/marrying out and therefore not around to be used and abused.


There is no concern for black womanhood at all from these persons. That should be taken as a sign, but instead these desperate women continue to try and use these spaces to cater to these DBR males and trolls.

It's rather pathetic and sad.

Unknown said...

Great, post! (newbie poster here!)
I definitely agree with what AAA said.

When I was younger, my mother dated a white man so interracial dating wasn't new to me [in fact, I thought it was strange when same-race couples were together... oh to be young again!].

In college, when I saw NBAB women repeating the same, tired conversations about Black men it was really just SAD.

And these women really don't want to be convinced otherwise.
What can you do?

Toni said...

TBH, Anon guest, you can't convince people of much of anything; they decide their own happiness. If some black women don't want to expand their horizons in love and life, then they don't have to.

I'd simply wish them the best and focus on my own happiness.

I do agree though that it's sad to see women standing around complaining about a situation they refuse to change by focusing all their attention on "black love" and their growing desperation for being coupled with a black man (or any man for that matter).

As I said, desperation is a soul-killing and unattractive quality, the flip-side of bitterness. That sounds like a group I'd simply steer clear of for my own sake.