Thursday, March 1, 2012

Black Women Who "White Knight" For Black Men (Part 2)

If you haven't, you may want to read part one before going any further, since I'm basically going to be writing with the assumption you've seen the other post...

What are the problems caused for black women by "white knighting" for black men? For starters, you effectively surrender your femininity to black men...who then in turn adopt feminine traits and expectations.

I am not going to sugarcoat this for the black men who may be reading this who have no problem letting women handle their business as a man: When you desire to have a woman fight your battles, you have effectively surrendered your manhood. It doesn't matter if it's on the internet, it doesn't matter if it's in the real world. The truth is what it is: No self-respecting man will play the role of princess to a woman's knight. That's just now how the world functions. A confident, self-assertive quality man speaks for himself. He neither needs nor desires a woman to speak for him. He is not so helpless as to need to women to defend his "slighted honor".

And this is the point I am trying to bring home to some black women who continue to NOT. GET. IT. Make no mistake, there are males out there who, for whatever reason, prefer to be treated as a "damsel in distress": ever admired and defended (no matter how wrong they are) and will actually expect you to "white knight" for them. And when their honor fails to be defended, they will give YOU grief for not manning up on their behalf.

And do not allow these persons to bring race into it. Ethnically speaking, you'll be hard pressed to find a group anywhere on God's green Earth where the men expect the women to defend them in any way, shape, or form. If you are the one doing all of the fighting, and the other person is sitting back enjoying the jousting, there is a problem. And if that person is not willing to do the same for you, there is a HUGE problem. Black women have a HUGE problem.

If you allow yourself to be guilted into defending such persons you will cooperate in being stripped of your femininity. Ironically, you'd be doing this for persons who hate you for your part in their emasculation, even as they are allowing it to happen.

You read that correctly: The black men you elect to white knight for hate your freaking guts.

I've already stated that no self-respecting man would want or expect a woman to go around defending them like helpless damsels. Well, it may (or may not) surprise you, but the ones who lack self-respect think even worse of you.

We're talking about weak men here, damaged men who are already in a bad way to begin with. Such persons tend to possess a ridiculous sense of entitlement. They're often users and leeches with no inclination to do for themselves. Manipulative and catty.

But beneath all of that is the desire to be an alpha male and admired and respected by other men. See, such men may be able to pass themselves off as something other than what they are to women who don't know any better. But one thing is for certain: other men, especially TRUE alpha males, see them for exactly what they are. And they will certainly never give them anything remotely resembling masculine acknowledgement and respect.

Rather than blame themselves for allowing women to fight their battles, these DBR damsels do what any cowardly weak man does: Blame the woman who is sticking up for him!

"She won't let me be a man! This is her fault! If only my mother had taught me how to be a man, I wouldn't be like this!"

This is why it is poisonous to raise males in an environment without PROPER male role models. I emphasis proper because a body doesn't mean anything if what that person is saying is backwards and harmful.

*cough* Too Short *cough*

 A proper male role model demonstrates through action and advice what it means to be a man and how one should treat a woman.

It's also important to have a proper male role model as a woman to allow you to BE A LADY. An environment where you feel protected, rather than having to be the protector. Being raised to be precious, rather than hard as nails to "hold it down for the brothas, because they got it hard and they need us to be their soldiers in the war against THE MAN!"

Black women are getting the swords, and black men are getting the flowers. Other groups of males are snickering, and regardless of what your indoctrination tells you, you are resented for your part, at least if you choose to cooperate with what's happening.

There is nothing wrong with being proud of and loving your ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with having love and respect for the black men in your household and social circles who may be very good and decent. Perfectly normal and understandable. Just don't assume it's on you to defend black manhood whenever the subjects of OOW birthrates, low marriage rates, and HIV/AIDs comes up.

Please understand that no logical and respectable man immediately associates himself with scumbags whenever the subject of scumbags comes up. If such a man does, however calmly...GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW! These persons cannot stand to be called out, and a negative reaction is actually a revelation so do not ignore it! Take them at their word by their willingness to associate themselves with DBRs.

Ladies, do not open yourself up to being used by weak men in thankless battles with contempt as a reward. Do not fool yourself into thinking that readily jumping to the defense of brothas everywhere (especially when it's clear that the black men in question are in the wrong) will win you brownie points or make you magically special or desirable. Do not confuse racial solidarity with trading gender roles to your own detriment.

Do you want to be loved and respected as a feminine black woman? Do you want to be treasured and fought for? Then put away the armor and let men prove themselves worthy of you by handling their own business and being willing to step up to the plate to defend you if need be. A man who is unwilling to do both for a woman he claims to care for is not a man worth being associated with.


Unknown said...

Believe it or not: many white men are starting to sit back and let ww white knight for them too

Toni said...


my site is geared towards black women. It may surprise you to know that I could care less what white women are doing for white men or not doing.

Though I do bring up IRR topics on my site, I am not interesting in pretending this particular problem affects any other group besides black women, and the reasons black women are doing this.

Not to be rude, but too many people try to make a black woman centric problem about someone else, or pretend that the issues involved are "across the board" when we know darn well what is causing gender role reversals in the black community that work AGAINST black women. And it has nothing to do with white people.

This is not an instance where I feel I can afford to care about or give focus to someone else's issues. Let that group deal or not deal with that problem if it actually exists.

Unknown said...

I just responded about WW simply because they are the largest group of women. It would also help if we dress more feminine as well (more dresses, longer hair or if hair is shorter, wear a scarf. BTW im not a fan of TWAs, and wonder if the kind of men who like them are MEN and not passive/aggressive, etc)..I also hate it when women FIGHT over men. Women do NOT stay friends if they fight each other with their fists, while men do; and have a beer afterwards

Windy said...

"Black women are getting the swords, and black men are getting the flowers. "

I LOL at this.

SheeShee S said...

This is a great article. I love your insight.Thank you.

SheeShee S said...

This is a great article. I love your insight.Thank you.