Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Thoughts for the New Year: Positivity Is Energizing; Negativity Is Draining...

Coming off of last year, I am extremely optimistic about getting things done in 2012. For one thing, I was able to stick to some major goals (losing weight, excelling in my college courses, learning to cook), and I just have really good feelings about 2012 overall. I find that one of the reasons (and you probably see this as well) people give up on their resolutions is they expect instant success and progress.

It's a YEAR LONG resolution! That means it's something you want to change over the course of months, not mere days. So keep that in mind moving forward!

As for myself, one of my resolutions for this year had to do with positivity. First, maintaining a positive outlook on my life and having a can-do attitude. I've found it's generally easier to go about accomplishing goals if you actually believe that it's something you can do.

The second and more important part is not allowing my positive energy and mindset to be drained by negative people. Some people, purposely or unintentionally, are energy vampires. They will suck you into their realm of negative thinking and drama if you let them. And that can be costly to you.

Being around negative people can literally feel like you've had the life drained out of you. This not only affects your ability to maintain a relationship with that person, it can leave you lacking in energy when it comes to dealing with other pressing matters in your own life. You're just so plum tired from worrying about other people and being drained of energy that you end up putting things you shouldn't (like your own best interests) on the back burner.

This is a BIG no-no. I've had to learn this the hard way because of this tendency I had to be nice and giving. A little too giving. People, even those who sincerely love you, are not above using the crap out of those who make themselves available to be used. This can be even worse when coupled with negative drama-queens and drama-kings.

That's why I strongly recommend trying to eliminate or strongly ration the emotional access these people have to you, and not just time spent in their presence. Remember, you don't have to be there with someone physically or actively doing something for him or her for these individuals to take a toll on your energy. If the person has topics or requests that you sense are going to drain you, politely (but firmly) state that you don't wish to talk about it, can't help, etc. but that you sincerely wish them the best. And change the subject.

Do NOT let yourself be compromised into the position of emotional crutch. This is much different than being able to confide hopes and fears equally, so that it is a shared experience of emotional bonding; when you feel drained, there is a lack of equilibrium where it is you who have mainly given up your emotional energy and time; the other person usually could care less about your feelings and experiences.

I actually know of a person who had a narcissist for a best friend at one point, and that person would try to make her feel guilty if she tried to bring up her OWN thoughts and feelings. For the friend, it was about her own needs and trauma and it was "selfish" this person to try and "take attention away from what SHE was going through!" That's pretty much what she said and I'll venture a guess that it's also why they are no longer BFFs.

Life is give and take, and so is energy: If you must give it, be sure you are receiving your fair share of it as well.

Now, getting back to positivity, it's not too hard to believe my experiences with it are the complete opposite; Positivity is very energizing! Ever noticed how pumped you are when you're in a great mood and everything is going well? Ever notice how people want to be around you more or smile more when you feel good? Positivity energizes and strengthens, and that's why people prefer to be around positive people.

Unfortunately, that's also why negative people are drawn to you...only, there is no give and take, as I said. Some seek your energy to fill the black hole that is their perennial existence, with no attempt to give anything positive back. And after stealing your light, Sookie Stackhouse, they are off to find a new target.

So, the best bet for this year is to maintain a positive outlook on life and try generate positive energy. At the same time, avoid negative vampiric persons as much as possible while working to virtually eliminate the energy these persons can take from you.

I am certain that sticking to this formula will help make for a much better year over all.

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