Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Amber Cole, and that heavy feeling at the bottom of my stomach...

The feeling in the pit of my stomach is what I imagine it would feel like if you swallowed a whole bunch of pennies. And they just sat there, not digesting, and taking up all kinds of space. Heavy, painful, and very disturbing.

The cause is the situation surrounding a young girl (she's not a woman, no matter how anyone tries to spin this) by the name of Amber Cole.

The situation as I am best able to understand it is this girl was talked into giving oral sex to her boyfriend on school property and without her consent, the encounter was filmed and posted to the internet. It was then spread all over the world, and being viewed in countries I doubt this teen has ever heard of.

I will not be linking to or sharing this video or even images of it, as it is child pornography as far as I am concerned. Legally, I'm pretty sure it IS child porn, and spreading it a crime. The consequences if one is involved in something so stupid are pretty heavy, and I'm going to go on record as saying you couldn't fit the "sorry" I have for such individuals found to be criminally liable into the eye of needle.

I cannot pretend to be unaffected by this.

You see that beautiful baby in the picture I posted at the top of page? To me, she is a beautiful little darling, full of all the innocence and wonder you'd expect from an infant. She knows nothing of the world and its evils. To others, she's already soiled.

This is a hard pill to swallow, hence the pain in my gut: Black women are born whores in this world.

We are NEVER seen as innocent. We are instead seen as commodities to be exploited in any and every possible way from the moment we breathe air on the other side of the womb.

For me, 14 is too young for anything of a sexual nature. In the eyes of someone else, they wouldn't believe her to even be a virgin at that age. Not with that skin tone, not from that racial background. She knew "what she was" before she started menstruating.

I will remember, to the day I die, the explanation one uncle gave for raping his 7-year-old niece, and infecting her with an STI: "She was acting all hot towards me."

A grown ass man was sexually seduced by someone who has only been wiping her own behind for a few years? Wow. Imagine that. I know that with child predators and molesters, rationalization of this sort is not outside the norm, but for African Americans, it becomes something else entirely doesn't it?

Because you see, we are in the globally unique position of not giving a damn about our kids. Not all of us....just most. Fathers abandon their children before they are born. Mothers instill the virgin/whore complex into their daughters and give their sons sexual free reign. Everyone comes together to damn any black girl, regardless of her level of promiscuity, to hell for possessing a vagina.

Hardly anyone stands up for a slandered and exploited black child in the black community. She is never seen as worth the effort. No other group of people on Earth hates itself as much as members of the so-called black community, and for the past few hours, I've seen that self-loathing in rare form.

Black men and women talking about how she "knew what she was doing" and it was "her own fault". Yes, because nothing says accountability for one's actions like not being the one filming and peddling child porn. Meanwhile these brain-dead individuals break the law all over the place by watching and spreading this video. Hmm.

But the racial dynamics simply cannot be ignored. Had the girl been giving oral sex to a white boy and white guys posted it, I can guarantee you that there would be all sorts of outrage. How DARE the "white devil" sexually violate and exploit the descendant of slave women who were raped by their ancestors! It should amaze me how okay black people are with the debasement and shaming of black girls and women so long as the person doing it isn't white. It's like no one made the connection that the act of doing so was bad, regardless of who was doing it. And I am cynically inclined to think any response psychologically comes back to the pride and ego of black males; female victims be damned, this would be about the manhood of black men.

Had this been a white 14-year-0ld, I do feel that the video would still have been spread, however I also think there would have been and would be a much greater attempt to hold anyone spreading this video accountable financially and criminally, in both the pursuit of child porn charges and lawsuits.

There would also be a primetime special on teenage sexuality and all sorts of concern for young girls being lead astray by this cruel and immoral world.

People would care about the mental and emotional and physical safety of these young white girls. They would be more apt to talk to them about their sexuality and making smart decisions.

But a black girl? Why bother! She'll be pregnant in a year anyway, right?


The Working Home Keeper said...

"No other group of people on Earth hates itself as much as members of the so-called black community"

Sad, but so true!

Visiting from BB&W

Mary Ellen
The Working Home Keeper

Karla said...

This is the most awesome summary of how low the so-called "Black Community" has sunk. It had to be said because no matter what we want to think, this is going on daily. I didn't grow up with this and I damn sure don't want to see young girls having to deal with this. I'm with you. There's no way I would access this video or want the evil in my spirit.

Toni said...

@ Karla

I thankfully didn't grow up with it either. I had a mother and father, and though not perfect people, they did instill in me self-respect and self-confidence, and my father warned me all my life about low-lives like this and staying away from them.

I'm thankful I got to have positive reinforcement in my life and be told that I was capable of more than being used for "love".

Many of the black girls coming up today absolutely DO NOT have that. They neither have the message that they don't have to debase themselves for men, nor warnings that this behavior is not normal or necessary.

Even worse, should they be exploited, no one is going to help them or defend them in any way.

The African American community has, thanks to the efforts of self-appointed black leaders, spent much of its time defending predators, murderers, thieves, and degenerates. Why? Because they shared a phenotype and possessed male genitalia.

But will they lift a finger to educate and protect the most vulnerable members of the black community from the predators within it?

This high level detachment is pretty much all the proof I need that the so-called black community is non-existent. Just something people like to trot out when it's convenient.

Huda said...

its so sad how she is the one being dragged thru the mud and demonized....while the boys who recorded her get away with it. Its the same old game of a black man can sex, hell even rape a black girl......underage or not and the community will rally around him. On the other hand, God help any little black girl who makes stupid decision for whatever reason....mind you she committed no crime against anyone. Other than putting herself @ risk sexually, this child's life is being destroyed.

Betty Boo said...

Where is her father? her father, heeck an uncle, older brother, or male cousin will do, to hunt the guy and his videographer down and beat the snot out of those creeps. The law of sowing and reaping may just come full circle to these boys a few years from now when they have daughters of their own.

Christelyn D. Karazin said...

*standing ovation*

Flaming_star said...

Whoa! You just gave me chills, that was wonderful and I'm spreading it around for others to read. I'm tired of this mess, it's got to end, I have beautiful nieces and they shouldn't have to carry this burden.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

SOmetimes I feel like we don't need Aryan Nation, the Klan, etc. The BC does well enough keeping each other down on it's own. This ingrained hatred of each other is a cancer and continues to spread. People think it's normal--the only time you see outrage is if a White person makes a racist statement-- like Black people can't degrade each other any more than they can??SMDH I'm thankful that I had "Old School" parents when I was growing up--some of the ones with teenagers now are doing nothing for their kids, but setting them up for failure.

ALL_URZ15 said...

I honestly do not see this as a race issue, I have seen in Asian, Latina, White communities where girls where caught on tape or in photos and were made fun of just the same. Amber was not the first girl of any color to be humiliated to that level via internet. The only difference is that Amber Cole and her name has reached a whole new height where even celebrities are talking about her. I think as black people we feel that anything negative that happens to a black person is a reflection on the black community itself. That's not always the case. Not every issue is a race issue just because it involves a black person. The black community has not sunk or anything like that. You would only think that putting yourself around the wrong people. With that mindset that if any little think wrong happens to black people means black people are bad off then it is absolutely not helping, empowering or benefiting anyone ever.

Toni said...

@ Huda

It's amazing isn't it? This girl as you said, has broken no laws, and yet it's as if her debasement is meant to be the worst thing here. Not this being spread illegally across the internet.

The other day I visited "What About Our Daughters" and was reading about all the help and outreach offered to a young man who pretty much raped an intoxicated girl along with his friends. This young man was given a COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP and is giving speechs across the country.

It's sad and bizarre that positive reinforcement is offered to the lowest of us, and yet people continue to wonder why things the way they are.

@Betty Boo

Though I doubt we'll get it, I'm still waiting to find out where the heck the teachers and school employees were. Remember this whole thing was filmed on school property.

If it were my child, there would be all sorts of hell to pay, that's for sure.


This is definitely going to be the topic of a future blog, because I think we as a group have reached an age where it can be comfortably said that many of the problems faced are of our own making. I know that there are a number of psychological issues left over from slavery, but...slaves loved their children. And those released from it did not abandon their children in this way, or expect them to behave like this. What we're seeing is a monstrosity of our own making.

Toni said...


Did I not mention in my post that had this happened to a white/non-black girl there would also be condemning of her and greater focus on her behavior?

Because this also an issue of gender expectations and culture norms.

But as I stated, sadly, black girls are simply not valued in the black community. Their debasement among the youth is pretty much encouraged, with little or no consequences for those who exploit them.

That is where the racial issue lies: The self-hatred expressed by African Americans through how we treat our children, especially black girls. So this is an intra-racial issue.

No other group debases its women like the black community. NONE. White women can run down the street naked, and they will never be accepted around the world as whores and sluts, because the men in their group simply do not encourage that unanimous image.

Black girls, are meanwhile, taught through music, television, and day-to-day interaction that they are less than, that they are good for nothing but sex (good enough to impregnate, but not to marry). These messages psychological toll, and we're seeing the results everyday. And it's only going to get worse, I guarantee you.

Toni said...

Also, going to leave this here:

This is my blog, and I'll write what I want. How I view the BWE movement and elect to express myself is my own business. I will not be compromised.

Just so it is known.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

ITA with you Toni. I am enjoying your other topics here as well. Excellent blog--Keep up the good work.

Also visiting from BB&W

Betty Boo said...

@ALL_URZ15 it is true that this behavior occurs in other communities but you seem to generalize the circumstance as if the treatment is equal in every race IT IS NOT. Blacks are always judged on the unfavorable side of the curve for poor behavior. For example, George Bush's Twin daughters were caught drinking when they were underage with fake ID's. That story quickly disappeared from the headlines. Do you honestly think that Sasha and Malia (Obama's Daughters) would have been afforded the same accomodation if they were that age and engaging in the same behavior? I think not! You would not hear the end of it they would replay the footage over and over and over again. Since you are of the mind that race does not play a role in this it will do no good to convince you otherwise and I will not try, but I will say this and leave this in the mind of any who will read and consider, you are dreaming if you think for one minute race is not a huge issue in this situation. If this had been two white boys who had exploited Amber Cole, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and every so-called "Black Leader" would have been all over it, (where are they today??) if Amber were white and the boys remained black, the entire white community would have been all over it and would have been complaining that one of their daughters had been "soiled" by these &*(((*&^&*&^ If you take a look at television and movies (gossip girl, the hills, etc.) these girls act like tramps but because they are rich and pretty them acting like sluts is of no consequence, black girls no matter how rich are always cast in the light of being "ghetto" and having no class. The reason why you don't "see" it is it has been interwoven into our very thinking Anderson Cooper repeated the clark doll test (google it) and asked white and black kids to look at cartoons of black and white kids and aaked them a series of questions like "who is the 'good' child" or "who is the 'bad' child" and the children both black and white identified the negative traits with black children and the positive with white children and this test was done in 2010!So if this is the mindset of elementary school kids in the 21st century, they are going to grow up and carry that mindset to their children and it is the "gift" that keeps on giving. I do not know what it will take to change this because going back to wearing Dashiki's and starting more "black is beautiful, love my blackness, black kings and black queen" groups like in the 1970's are not making things any better.